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06/16/08
Danger Gal and the Lioness
Danger Gal (Chris Garvin) and her faithful consort A.R.G. (Bill Garvin, the Amazing Rock God) were testing the limits of Man (and Woman) and Machine in a particularly desolate and treacherous expanse of wilderness, when they came upon an extremely daunting escarpment. The always chivalrous ARG ( aka billybob) scrambled nimbly up the bluff to spy the lay of the land when a plaintive yet determined cry came from below!
Scrambling to gain a vantage point to ascertain what might be amiss, billybob (aka honeyboy) saw to his dismay that Danger Gal (aka Henry) had run afoul of a desperate lioness, who even now had D.G's leg firmly clamped in slavering jaws, dragging her into the mouth of a shallow cave, from whence issued the cries of hungry lion kits.
With only a moment's hesitation, to contemplate possible life insurance ramifications, honeyboy (aka speedbump) launched himself off the nearly vertical escarpment, cleverly using the acceleration of gravity to propel his steel clad feet into the ribs of the lioness. Alas, this was not enough to dislodge the grip of the lioness on the shapely and oh so desirous thigh of Henry( aka Sugarlump), so thinking quickly, A.R.G. took from his back pocket a telescoping tennis racket, and dealt the lioness a precise blow with his almost legendary backhand, rendering the lioness momentarily stunned.
Being a confirmed environmentalist, it was only honey boy's (aka gooseneck) undying love for Danger Gal that led him to strike the lioness at all. Anyone else would have been left at the lioness' mercy, for after all, she was only acting as Nature intended. Freed from peril, Danger Gal then expressed her physical and spiritual love for A.R.G. in such a way that modesty prevents me from describing in more detail. Suffice it to say that the lioness, upon regaining consciousness, witnessed such acts of Passion that no mere male lion could ever match
01/08
I live in a most wonderful and magickal place. There is a room in my home with a large white box, wherein I find my favorite
foodstuffs and beverages. I eat and drink until completely satiated, and lo! - the comestibles and liquids wondrously re-appear
in just a matter of days.
There is an enchanted shelf in this same room where my favorite coffee mug appears, newly washed, until it verily sparkles! In another room, there is a small ante-chamber with another magickal shelf whereupon clothes appear, both laundered and folded! These almost always appear familiar, suprisingly similar to the garments I have dirtied and discarded in an untidy heap upon the floor.
But these are dark days indeed, my friends. My householde has come under an evil spell. The large white box goes un-replenished
for days. My favorite coffee mug sits forlornly on the counter top, surrounded by other
similar crockery. My garment heap grows ever higher. Perhaps, it is a demon. Perhaps the gods are angry at something I have or
haven't done.
I search frantically through the mists of time, the ancient ways. Perchance there is a pattern to the habits of the Mysterious Ones who rule my householde. And I realize yes! - there is a pattern! Shortly after the Winter Solstice of every year, my witch of a wife (a good witch, of course) returns to her labors outside the home, which are of a seaonal nature.
Without doubt,
there are most likely some rituals she performs with her cunning, womanly wiles, which serve to appease the householde gods.
With her absence these rituals go unperformed, with calamitous results. I resolve to Spye upon her, and discern these rituals,
and quickly, for I grow hungry and ever more shabby and unwashed.